Archives for FtM

As I near my 3 months…

So, I’m about 3-4 days out from my 3 months on T (typing on a shiny new laptop as my other one almost literally exploded one me and proceeded to quite literally fall apart), and had the guy at the pharmacy not been extra cool about things — I’d feel like I had nothing to celebrate.

The whole “prior authorization” fiasco has gone from bad to worse, my Endo said she’d done it — but of course when I went to fill my prescription when the delay on my prescription finally kicked in — I was told I was going to have to pay a whopping 450$ for it. Because my Endo had apparently /not/ sent in anything at all. A quick call to the insurance verified this. I called her back to yell at her for beating around the bush serious-like, and all she told me was that I’d have to wait for Monday to roll around for her to do anything about it (which I already know isn’t going to end well, because she doesn’t come in on Mondays) even though it was midday on a Thursday. She sent in a temporary prescription for 5 patches — which didn’t end up happening — and of course we went in and were told we’d have to pay almost 90$ for about 3 of them. Then the guy looked at us, looked at my chart, and noticed the reason why I’m taking Androderm and how long I’d be on it (I.E. The rest of my life).

He took one look at my chart, one look at the expression on my face, pulled 5 patches out of a box — handed them to us for free, and when I get approved, we’re to hand 5 patches from the box back in and continue on as usual.

-cherubs sing-

Tuesday is my 3 month T-versary, and in celebration we’re gonna head out to a cool museum and I’m gonna run around in my wheelchair. I’m a little under the weather right now, so I’m only hoping I feel better before then.

I’ve decided to move forward on my research into top surgery. I’ve picked out 2 places I want to look into more than the rest — both in San Francisco. It’s a plane ride out, short hotel stay and plane ride back — along with a consultation fee — but this is a surgery I’m gonna live with for the rest of my life, so I may as well make it count. I’ve been on hormones since early April, I’ll shoot for giving them a call around 7 months, maybe the consult around 9 months, and then the surgery as I come up on 12 months. By then I’ll be in the best shape I can be, and far enough along that the bodily changes I need to see pre-surgery will have occured.

IN THE MEANTIME I’m carefully cataloguing each major change that happens as I notice them. I can’t speak to the internal or mental health type changes, as I’m sort of in a major depressive flux right now (completely unrelated). Instead of a huge list of bullet-points people will have to pick through, I’m splitting ’em up into categories — Hair, Skin, Shape, Voice and Other. I’ll also be putting up percentages as far as how often I seem to pass in person, and over the phone. Currently those numbers are at a whopping 0% and 0%, I’m hoping as time goes on — those numbrs will improve.

Speaking of mental health, I got some interesting news from the psychiatrist. It looks like on top of my Bipolar 2 diagnosis, I’ve also got Borderline Personality Disorder. That’s sort of a big, scary diagnosis that not a lot of people know a lot about (though some think they do, and boy are they off-base) — but apparently due to my upbringing and how hard my parents worked to raise me to be as I am, I’m in one of the best places I can be. She had been considering this as a diagnosis since I started going there, but some of the stuff that has happened in recent weeks pushed it from on-the-shelf to in-her-face. Luckily, my medication-regimend will not change, and since I’m already in therapy — I’m, again, in the best place I can be.

The only other stuff I’ve got to talk about are the little things I’m trying to change over time so that I can pass better and be more comfortable in general. I’m working on my posture while trying to learn to take up more space when I sit. When I walk, I practice keeping my pelvis more out in front of me and my shoulders a little up. I put a little sway to them while keeping my hips still — this is probably the trickiest part (which I’ve tried to do by observing other guys and emulate ’em). I’ve been working out more (which is SO much easier on T) and building up my arms slowly but surely (which will make pushing myself in my wheelchair a bazillion times easier) so they’ll look a bit wider and a touch more masculine. I’ve also been sure to keep my hair nice and short in a style that’s easy to maintain that I actually like — and though I should probably go out and buy some new shirts, I’m keeping my wardrobe loose and comfortable with a few nice pieces of ‘dress clothes.’

That’s all for now! Thanks for reading. A few days from now I’ll be posting my big 3 month update (the first big milestone in a transguy’s transition) with a list of major changes and a short voice recording with a before-and-after of the clip I did on my first day of T, and a clip I’ll record on day 91 of my transition.

2.5 months on HRT and sudden problems

TW: Swearing, anxiety

So, I’m down to the last of my patches as I near my 3 month mark. I had to throw a few patches away (they say if the adhesive sticks to the paper underneath without pulling away cleanly you’re supposed to toss it as a defective patch) so though I haven’t hit 3 months yet I’m actually behind by a few. I go to call in 2 weeks ago about a letter I got in the mail, this “Prior Authorization” notice, and tell my doctor that she needs to log into this website, enter in the reason I’m taking Androderm, and recieve a letter in the mail stating whether or not they’re going to continue to cover me (which they will, as Trans* hormones are covered under my medical plan and this patch raises my levels to just below the standard range).

Well, a week went by and I was nearly down to a week’s worth of patches — and I know how slow my Endocrinologist can be sometimes. I called in asking if they’d done the letter yet, to which they said no, and asked if they could put my prescription in before the 1st (when the Prior Authorization requirement goes into effect) to which they said they’d get it started.

A week has now gone by, and my pharmacy doesn’t even know a prescription for Androderm is on its’ way. They’ve been dragging their feet and doing nothing for so long that I’m now down to the wire and down to my last like 2 patches (one for tonight, one for tomorrow). Monday is the last day of this month, meaning as of midnight Monday night this letter goes into effect — and until we recieve that letter (which can take weeks sometimes) I’m not covered for my Androderm and I’m gonna have to pay 450$ for a month’s worth.

So now I’m panicking. I JUST started to see some changes, and there is no way in hell I’m gonna make my housemate fork over 450$ for a month’s worth of patches, and I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been in gender-related therapy for like 9 years, and have been eligible for hormones for nearly 5 years before FINALLY being allowed to start less than 3 months ago. Why is it that I have to work so much harder than anyone else? Why is the way that I do things always the right way, right before I get bitten in the ass for it?

Monday morning is when my doctor is willing to START this process, and I don’t even know if I’m gonna have a patch left for Monday night. If they don’t do this AS OF MONDAY I do not honestly know how long I’ll be without my patches, but any time at all is going to start to reverse all of the hard work I’ve been putting in, and might slow my progress down in the future when I finally start putting them on again.

I really wish SOMEONE in a position that can actually help me would move their asses and actually give a fuck for once and HELP me get this DONE. I do ALL the hard work, seeking out every possible professional I need, doing every ounce of research I can to make this process go as smoothly as possible for everyone involved, going through my Real Life Test for like 4 years out of the required 3-12 months, have been seeing my current therapist for over a year when they require 3 months, have been in gender therapy for almost 9 years when they require seeing this has been a problem for 2 years, and I just CANNOT figure out what it is I’m doing wrong. Now I get to spend the whole weekend in a state of nothing but stress and panic over something that I seem to have no control over. I don’t even want to post all the amazing results I’m starting to see, because in a week they may slow to a stop.

I thought nearing your 3 month mark was supposed to be your first major milestone and a huge joy in a transguy’s life. Mine seems to be nothing but misery so far.

9 weeks on HRT update

I got way sidetracked and haven’t been updating — no excuse really, just been preoccupied and not in the mood to blog.

Monday was my official 9 weeks on HRT! I’m gonna be posting updates from Month 1, Month 2 and the changes I’ve seen since my 2-month T-versary so that I have a basic timeline I can refer back to! I’ll do my best to post monthly updates through my first year, and then probably slow to every 3-6 months.

Month 1:

-Hair and Nails grew in faster
-Hairline had begun to come forward/fill in more
-Hair on my face began to grow in longer and become at least 3x more dense but remained blonde and soft
-Voice began to drop
-Jaw had squared more
-Neck widened
-Adam’s Apple began to drop
-Chest became slightly less dense/easier to bind
-Hips weren’t quite as wide, waist wasn’t quite as thin
-Periods became more manageable, but still there
-Leg hair grew in more dense, tiny happy trail had begun to grow
-Began to eat a lot more
-Gained and lost weight — lots of fluctuating
-Veins were more prominent
-Moods evened out — became happier, less depressed, and almost non-anxious or aggressive at all
-Energy levels a little higher
-Body odor began to change

Month 2:

-Hairline has filled in a little more
-Losing lots of hair whenever I brush or run my hands through my hair, but it is that time of year that this tends to happen
-Sideburns still blonde but coming in more and more prickly/longer
-Facial hair still soft and blonde, but slightly pricklier
-Jawline is yet more square and my cheekbones have become a little more obvious
-Voice has dropped further, cracks a lot
-Adam’s Apple is yet lower
-Underarm hair is longer
-Waist has filled in more, hips have gotten slightly thinner
-Periods have become yet shorter and more easily manageable — almost no cramps any more.
-Leg hair has come in more and started to appear higher and lower on my legs
-Weight still fluctuating a lot
-Muscle gain is a little easier but still disappears quickly
-Body Odor has continued to change

Week 9:

-Sideburns/facial hair are pricklier than ever but still relatively short and still very blonde and since I shaved, very slow-growing
-Voice has gotten QUITE a bit deeper
-Leg hair is growing in darker as high as 2/3s of the way up my thigh
-Mysterious pains that felt unusually like growing pains in my legs

The following is a clip of my voice as it sounded before and as it sounds now (though even now it’s still dropping yet deeper!) so feel free to listen and enjoy!

Still embarrassed about how I used to sound, but I’m much more comfortable speaking now. I might go so far as to say I might even sound passable — at least in person (over the phone I sound higher pitched).